As I lay awake in the middle of the night last night, thinking that 4 years ago at that time I was fast asleep, happy and still yet to know what faced me later that day sends chills down my spine. 

It's 4 years later and life moves on, people forget and people care less. Not because they're bad people but because it's human nature. Unless it happens to you, you thankfully will never understand the sheer and utter pain that comes with it. 

I hoped for it to never happen to anyone else, and unfortunately someone close to me has also had a loved one taken from them this year, suddenly and brutally. 

If this status does anything, let it be a reminder to those that yes, the pain you feel will be excruciating, it will be physical at times and you might think life is over. But you will cope, you will deal with it just like you are now. You are strong enough to overcome any dark thoughts you may have about your own life or resentment toward others. You are amazing and whilst losing someone you love so dearly is going to be the worst thing that possibly ever happens, it changes you. 

If you let the pain, hurt and anger be the forefront of your emotions, they will control and damage you. But if you take charge and grieve the way you feel fit, if you feel the pain but don't let it reside within you, instead just letting the pain be felt but move on, then I promise you will become a different person. 

My brother was murdered 4 years ago this afternoon, horrifically taken from us, his family who loved him. At times I did question was it going to tear us all apart, was the anger the most apparent of all emotions? Because let's be honest, if someone passes you feel anger, but when that person is taken from you by another human being and their actions, anger can play a huge part to your life. It can be the foundation of everything you feel and your actions after that can be dictated solely by anger and you might not even realise it. 

But anger, hate and resentment only do damage to you, yourself. Holding onto that anger in fear if you let go, you're forgetting your loved one or letting them down, is NOT the truth! Instead, letting go of anger let's you see the world more clearly for what it is. It lets you build yourself back up from what you've lost. It lets you love that person who is gone, in a totally different way. 

What's done is done, no earthly or godly creature can change that. What happens now is down to you. 

I've watched siblings lose a brother, parents lose a son and extended family and friends lose someone they loved. He was loved by all and was a great person, just like your own loved one. They wouldn't want the basis of your life to be controlled by pain, hate and anger. I know my brother wouldn't which is why I've chosen to live my life an entirely separate way to who I was before this tragedy. I don't recognise the person I was before and I'm thankful for that. 

I have a daughter and a baby on the way, they can't enter the world with a parent so full of hate they grow up seeing the world that way. My daughter and unborn child deserve the best, and the best is what I will give them. The same way my parents gave us the best, they loved us unconditionally and showed us that you have to keep living. 

In memory of my brother I will always try to help others who need help, in any way I can. I will always show love and compassion to others around me. I will not stop the fight. If my story can help one other person, then I'm happy. 

I talk daily on snapchat about personal matters and sometimes I'm asked "why?" And the answer is simple, I receive countless messages from those who have experienced something similar, thanking me for talking about whatever topic it is and sometimes asking advice! If I can give advice I give it, and if not then I try to comfort them. Recently I had a girl approach me in the street to say because of me and what I've talked about, they've taken steps to help their mental health. And that is why I do what I do!! It fills me full of joy to see others happy or creating a better life for themselves. 

We're all in this big journey together and we should all feel responsible for each other, helping one another where we see fit. Ensuring our actions and words only benefit others and never hinder another's experience of the world. The next person is just as important as you, so treat them that way. 

Kevin, you might not be here anymore but you will always be loved and will always have a voice when your family are around. We love and miss you brother x

How to Live a Better Life

How I've removed the negative people. 

How I've stayed positive. How to live a better life. 

Guilty

Ok so.... I feel guilty for completely ignoring the blogging side of things and solely focusing on the "vlogging" side of things recently. Even though blogging and writing are my main passion, I've kind of hung up my "pen" and picked up the camera.

Whats been happening? Well, I have started my own You-Tube Channel, which can be found by searching my name "MegHan O'Neill", or here is the link...

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2FuOZQ-VXG83Dmyh3mNq_g

I haven't got anything live on there at the moment, BUT I'm literally in the middle of changing that with editing and post production, it's been one thing after another and I've been slowed up.

Changes in my Life

My daughter is 1. I've headed back to college. I am now a media student (again, for anyone who doesn't know how I studied media a short 8 years ago but left). I have blonde hair. I have bigger boobs. I am an all round, completely different person and I haven't felt more balanced or better in a couple of years.

I forget how much has actually changed since I last blogged on here, and that is a lot! 

How I changed it all, for the better.

I have a funny way of taking the negatives life throws at me and changing them into positives. I've become accustomed to doing this, so much so that I don't even realise I'm doing it. 

Throughout the last few months since I last blogged, I have educated myself on Buddhism, a religion I take seriously and incorporate into my day-to-day living. I feel more balanced, my chakras feel aligned. 

I have learned how to positively increase my day-to-day living by removing the negatives, and if unable to do so for whatever reason, I have taught myself how to live in a negative surplus whilst trying to create a positive atmosphere. For both me and my daughter.

Removing Negatives/Negativities/Black Clouds

Luckily enough, I haven't had to live with any negative energies surrounding me, they all left. Or rather, I removed them. 

It's important to realise when a person, or an energy, (which could come from a job, a circumstance or a place) is bringing you down. We often don't recognise that something is clogging our chakras and bringing us to a negative ground, we deal with it so much on a daily basis that we just take it for granted that it's how life is. When it is not, and you should never feel like you're "trapped" or have "settled" for a life you're not 100% happy with living. 

Removing a negative person, or a negative energy is no easy task. It takes some time and some effort. Firstly, you have to understand that the negative source is not something you HAVE to put up with, or have to surround yourself. There is no excuse for dealing with a negative, black cloud. 

Remember, you are the author of your own story, you are the director of your own life. Anything in your life that you are not happy with, is your own problem. It is easy to blame external sources for every single thing that we come up against. But really, what the problem is, is your reaction to these events. Changing how you take in information and how you process that, then output it, is really the key to how to remove the negatives. 

If you cannot just "walk away" from an external source, physically removing the energy. Then that's when you need to use your own inner self and inner being to remove the blinding way you think about it. The black clouds usually blind us from the bigger picture, making us unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and therefore clouding our vision and confusing us.

Once your thinking changes, your life changes. 

Law Of Attraction

People hear about "The law of attraction" and sometimes confuse it with physical attractions with the opposite or same sex. I done this myself, I always wondered what this meant.

It's simple...

The law of attraction is a force, or an "energy" if you like, basically meaning that what you put out, you get back. 

Stop blaming the world for your hardships. Bad things sometimes happen to good people, that's part of life. That cannot be changed, that is what happens, (more often than not mind you) and it's easy to get into the way of thinking that it's "not fair". But quit this way of thinking, and instead, use your own time, effort and energy to better what is around you, instead of complaining about it. 

How can anything improve if there are people complaining instead of working on bettering something? 

If you put out negative energy, you will receive negative energy. If you put out positive energy, you will be surprised as to what comes back to you. 

Now this does not mean if you do something good, good will come back... NO! That is the wrong way of looking at things. 

How to do this productively, is to actually mean what you're doing. Actually want to do the good deed you're doing, instead of just expecting something back from it. 

Be selfless with your actions. Do things because you want to better all other human beings, no matter what. If you do something nice for someone and don't expect anything back, you will not be hurt or upset if they don't appreciate it. Because people are like that, people don't appreciate what you do for them all the time, and that's their problem. That problem lays with them and not you, just remember that. 

Do not take it personal. 

But always be selfless, and do not question it. Sometimes you will, sometimes you'll wonder why you're STILL being nice to someone who has been horrible to you? But remember, they might have insecurities and issues you don't realise. They might be dealing with some stuff at home you don't have a clue about, or couldn't imagine. They could need your help but their disrespect for it is nearly a defense mechanism, so always remember this. 

Things Have Changed

Since I have incorporated this way of living into my life, and actually loving all over human beings and loving life, I have noticed big changes. I haven't done things for "show" or to be "liked", I've done them because I wanted to. Because I was genuine. 

My life has changed dramatically and things have increased. Do I still have the same people in my life? Some of them, yeah. I have removed people who did not create any positive experiences for me or my daughter, I have removed people who I tried to help but did not want my help, I have removed them because there's only so far you can go with people. You can't MAKE anyone do anything. People need to want the help first. 

Remove the people/negative clouds that are only draining you of your positive energy and using it all up. It might sound cruel, but you have to remember yourself and always be number 1. You do not have to stand for it, and you do not have to be rude about it. Simply make your intentions clear, do not lie and do not hurt. You don't have to surround yourself with crowds you don't want to be in. If they are hindering your emotional, spiritual or intellectual development, remove them. It's as simple as that. Love them anyway, but remove them.

I will write more next blog on what I'm currently studying, what has happened, what is happening and what is yet to happen... big things are coming this way. But first, remember...

Your intentions behind an action is just as important as the action itself. 

The day Daddy Met his Daughter

The day Daddy Met his Daughter.

The most amazing moment of my life was the moment my daughter was placed into my arms for the first time and I finally got to meet her after waiting a long 38 weeks.

The second most amazing moment was when my daughter was placed into her fathers arms and she smiled from ear to ear. 

Penélope's mum is a blogger, her dad is a vlogger, so she will always be talked about in one form or another. 

She will grow up with her life blogged about, she will grow up with vlogs and videos of milestones, she will grow up with everything she does written about, talked about and noted. There will never be a moment of her life missed that she can't hit a few buttons and go back and read about it from her parents point of views. Being a writer, I'm going to encourage her to keep a journal like I did, and her dad being quite active online and on camera, I'm sure he will encourage her to keep a video journal of some sort.

The Bond

The moment my daughter met her father was a moment I will never forget, the smile she had was huge. Beaming from ear to ear, looking back and forth from her daddy to her nanny that she had also just met, taking it all in. Quite a magical moment that I'm sure no one present will forget in a hurry.

Penélope met her father at 6 months old.

For those who know of the trials and tribulations we faced on the run up to them meeting, will know it hasn't been easy for either of us. In fact, it hasn't been plane sailing, but I am glad we finally got there in the end.

Yesterday was the end to our new beginning.

A new chapter of everyone's lives has just opened up, and what an amazing journey it is going to be from here on in, for both Penélope and myself, for both her father and her new family. So many things have been put to rest, and yesterday marked a new era.

Her nanny eased into her new role of being a grandparent, and her dad was a first class dad to our daughter from the moment they met. A true natural. I couldn't be more pleased with how it went and how everyone felt after. I was relieved that Penélope bonded with her family straight away, it made me relax, as a new parent I'm still anxious about new things, but it really couldn't have been a more magical, heart warming experience.

The bond I immediately seen father and daughter have is something incredible and out of this world. Of course every new parent worries about the bond they will have with their child, it's normal to not feel anything straight away, but these two hit it off remarkably. 

My Worries

It was something I had really worried about, Penélope is at the age now where she has started to become "strange" with new faces and voices, so I worried that it would frighten her, (this is where her dads vlogs helped loads, so thankful for them). She took to her new family like a duck to water, it was as if she knew...

Penélope is a very lucky girl, her both parents have a wonderful mutual friendship together, which is my main aim for our daughter. So many parents nowadays have negative feelings towards each other for whatever reason and sometimes it cannot be helped due to circumstances, but it can sometimes have a negative impact on their child(ren). So for us to be so understanding of each other and mutual with each other, is a massive thing for our daughter. I always explain it to people that think it's a touchy subject, we are literally "friends who have a child together".

I couldn't speak higher of Penélope's fathers family, meeting his mother for the first time as well was incredible, a lovely warming woman with so much heart. 

A really good family.

Moving Forward

This past year hasn't been easy on anyone, I waited for that moment from the second I found out I was pregnant, and that moment did not disappoint. 

From my previous blogs, you can read about the year I've had personally, it hasn't been easy, but I'm not one to dwell on the negatives, it could have been a lot worse. 

I'm now the unbelievably proud parent to a beautiful, young, intelligent, healthy baby girl who is loved by both her parents, grandparents, aunties and uncle, friends and family. (How lucky is she?!) But - How lucky am I?! Is the real question...

I'm feeling rather blessed, the journey has been a different one, it hasn't been straightforward, but that is what makes it even more incredible. I don't regret any moment that has passed, I only look to the future with high hopes for our families.

I tend not to look back and wonder what could have happened more productively because as we both said yesterday, there are no "what if's" in this scenario, but rather "what are".

Life is much better than it has ever been. My daughter has fallen in love with her dad, her dad is smitten with her, her nanny adores her and she has been introduced to the most perfect family. All the worrying and stressing has been worth it.

An amazing journey.

A hard journey.

An eye-opening, 

self-reflecting journey.

But nevertheless, a worthwhile journey.

MegHan: MTM

How to deal with heartbreak.

Hearbreak in a Nutshell

Everyone has been there, your granny, your granda, your brother, your bestfriend. Every single person on this earth has felt heartbreak at some stage or another, and I'm sure they'll all agree; it's pretty damn awful.

More often than not, I get asked how to deal with, or get over, heartache. The answers can sometimes range from very in depth responses, to the more simple replies, but there is one thing that is very prominent in what I have to say. The answer to heartache is merely this > MOVE ON!

...And that is it in a nutshell. But how you chose to move on, is what boggles the mind of many. How do you stop loving your ex? How do you watch them move on and not crumble? How are you EVER possibly going to survive without that one person who has such a hold over you? So much so, that you fear your life as you know it, is going to end and you can't see yourself coping?

I've been there. As pathetic as it may sound, I have been on the receiving end of heartache, wondering all of these things. But the most amazing thing is, I'm still here and amazingly enough I haven't died, even though at times the pain felt almost physical. Consumed by the hurt I was feeling, I questioned everything, what is life? Why is this happening? When will it end? Will I ever feel ok again?

The Key

The key to heartache is remembering, that it WILL, in fact, end. That is the beautiful thing about life, nothing is permanent, nothing is forever. Just like the good things that come to an end, so do all the bad. Life is beautiful, it is a wonderful thing. We are merely wondering souls who inhabit this planet for a short space of time. If something doesn't fit anymore, change it. If you don't enjoy something, stop doing it. 

As cheesy as it sounds; life is what we make of it. Once we chose to let go, of the hurt, pain, anger and negative emotions we may feel due to whatever reason, that is when we start to enjoy and appreciate the real beauty of life. For life, is a magnificent, challenging, incredible journey that we should never take for granted.

Emotions

There are of course, many mixed emotions that come with a breakup. Sometimes you may feel a sense of relief, as you leave something that was no longer justifiable to neither you or the partner, and that's fine. Along with the sense of relief you may feel a sense of sadness as a part of your journey closes, that's also fine. 

Being in control of your emotions is what needs to happen here, for without control, of course things are going to spiral. You will find yourself in many dark places, Control is Key!

Personal Experience

(Disclaimer: Before I go any further, it has to be said that this is coming from my point of view, there are always two sides to every story, every break up. I will not mention names, I will not slander, I will only write what is the truth on my behalf)

When I had my baby girl, I also had a traumatic relationship breakdown. I had been with this person for 4 years previous, he was with me on the day my baby was born, (in my previous post I touch on this and how amazing he was, how I would never have got through it without him there), he spent my last 3 birthdays with me, we shared many memories together, as was expected. I believed him to be the man I would spend the rest of my life with.

But that wasn't to be. 

Trying to get your head round to the simple fact you would no longer see this person, wake up beside them, go to sleep and see them last thing at night, was very hard. It took a long time for me to able to come to terms with this.

Not only had I just had an emotional split up, my grandmother was diagnosed with aggressive cancer, within two weeks she had passed and I was completely on my own, the same weekend I found out my ex had moved on and had a new girlfriend. It was a complete shock to the system, also because I later found out he had actually picked my engagement ring when I seen a photo of it.

It was hard. I had just had a baby, my hormones were all over the place, I was adjusting to life as a first time single mother, I lost my partner and best friend, I lost my grandmother, I moved out for the first time and into my own house. It was difficult at the time, for 8 weeks I prayed everyday to wake up and be over it. I never really cried, mainly because I never wanted my baby to see me cry, I wanted to remain strong for her. She was my rock.

It wasn't an overnight thing, it took weeks of emotional stress, weeks of feeling down about it. It wasn't until I actually decided enough was enough and that I wasn't being the victim of my own emotions anymore, and there I accepted it.

Acceptance

When you decide to accept what is happening around you is out of your hands, when you decide to give up ultimate control, to just run with it, to let yourself feel the pain... That is when you will be set free from your emotions. That is when you will start to grieve for your losses, and when you will start to build your life back up. 

Deciding to let in, and feel the pain I was feeling, of both my grandmothers death and my break up, was the best thing I ever did. At that moment, when I accepted I couldn't run from it anymore, I started to become whole again. 

Instead of going on an emotional rebound, I decided to let myself grieve. I let in the pain, I faced the emotional damage, and it was the making of me. 

From that moment, I felt no more pain, I felt no negative emotions, instead I started looking positively to the future, wishing everyone all the happiness in the world. I felt no more grief, I felt no hard feelings towards anyone. I was finally happy again, back to who I was before, and even better, I now had a beautiful little baby girl to teach and watch grow.

The End

I'm still asked about "what happened", but I don't go over the past. We weren't meant to be, it's as simple as that. Two souls who met for a short period of time, who felt amazing wonderful things together, who's chapter had come to an end. Which is why I am thankful it happened, I smile about it. Many memories, many life lessons all learned. I now have my beautiful daughter, which wouldn't have happened had I not met my ex partner. Everything is how it should be. 

The end of two peoples journey can be a sad one, but it doesn't have to be.

______________________________________________________

So how do you get over heartache? You accept it, you choose to be the bearer of your own emotions, you choose to fill your heart with peace and understand just some things aren't meant to be. Accept you will never get answers to some of the questions you might have, believe and have faith that the universe knows what you need before you do.

Guess what? You WILL survive, you WILL get over it, it will ONLY make you a better person in the long run. Don't be scared to leave something that no longer serves you, serves a purpose in your life. Things breakdown so that better things can fall into place. Have faith that everything will someday be ok, remember it's ok to hurt, but remember YOU run your life.

You alone, are the author of your own story. Your happiness does not lay within someone else, you are whole. Someone or some thing, does not complete you - You are already complete. And you are beautiful.

MegHan: MTM

It's been a while...

Wow!

The world of blogging seems like a different thing altogether from the amount of time I have spent off it, but I am glad to be back on game!

I apologise for promising to keep everyone up to date on my pregnancy and then only writing about the first trimester, I had SO many good things coming for you guys, but never got around to sharing them. But never fear, they will all happen in due time :)

The Past 9 Months

I say the past 9 months... but it hasn't been, it's been this past year! Madness!
Within the last year I have been pregnant for 9/10 months, given birth to a beautiful little girl, had a seriously bad relationship breakdown, lost both my grandmothers (the remaining two grandparents I had alive) and I have become a totally different person because of it all.

This past year has been a very bitter sweet year; losing both my grandparents and a relationship breakdown was horrible, #Goodbye2015, although it was the year I give birth to my saviour in life, my daughter, Penélope Christina, so it hasn't been all bad.

Different Outlook

I will get into all gory details of my life this past year in a later blog, but for now... I'll just explain what a massive IMPACT this year has had on me.

I've never been through a more traumatising, magnificent, incredible, hard year in all my life, and for anyone who knows me, knows I've had it tough in the past, but this year tops them all.

Have my waters broke?!

Finding out I was pregnant a year ago (give a couple of days), being petrified of birth, having to grow and stretch and all the mad things that happen to your body when you're pregnant, including massive boobs, which are agony. No clothes fitting and having to buy sizes you never thought you would see. Having water retention and looking like Mr Blobby.
Not only all of this.... I went into prem-labour TWICE because I was so stressed with everything else that was going on in my life. Steroid injections, drugs to stop my labour, I had it all.

My first grandmother, whom I was her carer, died when I was 4 months pregnant on 6th April, that was hard enough, but then a few days after on the 21st April my brothers 2 year Anniversary was upon us. Disgusting month for me (sorry for anyone who has birthdays in that month).

Skip forward to August, my prem-labour started at 34weeks and 5 days pregnant after I attended a bodybuilding show... Luckily I was under 35 weeks, so I got the steroid injections to boost the babies lungs, had she been born. Although I was kept in hospital for a while and my labour was successfully stopped... for the time being. Out and back in a couple of days later after my labour started yet again, this time because I was over the 35weeks, they let me progress, I had already been told I was fully effaced and 3cms dilated the previous time I had went in, which is why I was rushed to the neonatal unit, so I was quite worried.
But nope, little missy stopped again, so I walked about for 3 weeks being 3cms and fully effaced... Having contractions daily I never knew when Miss P was going to come.

Then on Friday 4th September (38 weeks, 4 days pregnant) at 2:55am I woke, with what I felt was a cramp and a bit of leakage, so I got up and went to the toilet, and wow, a gush! I thought to myself "Have I just lost control of my bladder?!" So I sat, and it happened again..... I was thinking about waking my mum but thought no.... this couldn't be it.

I got up and put a pad on because of the leakage (silly first time mum, thought nothing of it), went back into bed and it happened again, "No, I need to wake my mum" - So up I get, aobout 3:10am at this stage... "Mum I think my waters have broken". So up me mum gets, and we sit and it happens again... 4 big gushes, so I phone over to the maternity ward and of course they tell me to go over to be checked.

I go to the car.... wait for it.... Put a PLASTIC BAG down, so I don't wet the car...yep! Mortifying! I also still haven't phoned my partner at this stage to let him know I think my waters have broke and that I'm on my way to the maternity ward with my notes and bag, didn't want to wake him, afterall I was having no real contractions and I still wasn't entirely sure what was happening.

Got to the ward, the midwife takes me in, puts the monitor on, tells me I'm not having any contractions, but she'll need to perform a speculum test to tell me wether or not my waters have gone. (This includes a smear type test with a cotton bud, if the bud turns black, it's your waters)

Well, she never got to perform her test, she lifted my gown and touched my slightly with the cotton bud and BLACK straight away. It was my waters!

Hypnobirthing

Examined and told me I was 3cms still, with no contractions. (Also that she felt a LOT of hair on the babies head, I was so happy!) Still hadn't phoned my partner.

Left an hour or so by the time the doctor had come round to visit me, my contractions were very slight, when he left after telling me they would start a drip in 19 hours if nothing had happened, the midwife decided to examine me again, I was 6cms. In one hour. Still hadn't phoned my partner yet.

At this stage I was beginning to think "Maybe this will be it", even though it DEFINITELY was it! I finally got a hold of my partner and told him to come down, that I might be having a baby today, lol. He got down an hour later after I told him not to rush. When he arrived I was being taken to the labour ward, I got up and walked around, there was no keeping me down on any bed, I wanted up! My birth notes had said so!

Got around to the room, I got the classical music on, I prepared myself, I sat and chilled out with my partner, my mum, and my dad, midwives changed at 8am and in came the lovely midwife who would later deliver my baby :). My dad headed home to go to work, so it was just us 3. I sat on the ball, bounced, walked around the room, laughed between my surges (contractions for anyone who doesn't hypnobirth).

I had myself that well mentally prepared for labour and using my hypnobirthing methods that when the nurse placed the gas and air on the bed, I asked her immediately to remove it. "You'll need it when you're in the throws of labour darling, trust me". I MADE her remove it straight away, I didn't want it, nor need it! I had this.

A couple of hours passed and a LOT of surges, I was still calm, at this stage my surges were coming thick and fast, my partner sat with my mum talking to me, I asked for silence during my surges, it helped me focus on my breathing better, it helped me tell myself I was ok, that my body was made for this, that I was going to get through it. All these affirmations truly helped me.

The longest, hardest surge appeared, I was squatting on the bed over the back of it by this stage, I refused to lye down, I told the midwife I wanted to push, my partner later told me the surge was 6 minutes long, I wasn't even getting a break at this stage.

The midwife examined me, I was 8cms. She asked me did I want some paracetamol, I refused. I was going to do this, no matter what people tried to say, I was determined to get through without anything.

After switching positions a couple of times, I was back squatting and tried pushing a couple of times, the midwife told me I wasn't ready, but I tried anyway, and nothing. So I took her advice and breathed the last couple out, didn't push, just waited for them to pass. Each surge was one surge less, I kept telling myself.

I then got on my side, the sister on the ward came in and examined, I was 10cms and I was ready to push. What a moment!

I started pushing and Penélope was born 47 minutes later. It was all very quick. From the moment my waters born until giving birth was only 7 hours, pretty quick for a first baby. The whole thing is videoed, everytime I watch it I cry. Magical moment!

I had done it, no pain relief, no gas and air, no paracetamol, just my own strong determined head, my partner at the time and my mum. My mum cooled my head with a face cloth whilst my partner rubbed my back. It helped me a lot. The sister and the midwife were brilliant, coaching me on when I thought she wasn't coming. I remember saying "This baby literally isn't even coming", little did I know, she was very nearly crowning.

Birth isn't painful, I would never use that word. Instead I say yes, it was hard, the surges were strong and heavy, your belly felt tight, you felt tired, but not once was it painful. Tell yourself it was painful and it will be. Afterall, if it was that bad. Would people be wanting more? :)

The afterbirth...

When Penélope was born, she wasn't Penélope at all, she had been Harper the whole time, so my mum called her Harper, and I said no, it doesn't suit her. I still hadn't a name for 2 days. Then Penélope Christina, (Christina after my sister).

It's funny that I called this "the afterbirth", because I'm quite literally, going to talk about my afterbirth...

My placenta was going to be taken home, sent away to encapsulated and I wanted to take it in tablet form. I had read the many health benefits of doing this and I wanted to definitely try it, no matter the cost.

I never got my wish...

After everything was pain relief free, (even though just before she was born I said "Just give me an epidural" due to being so tired), my placenta decided to be stubborn and not to come out. So I had to head to theatre, where I got a spinal and numbed from the waist down, I was gutted to be taken away from my baby an hour after she was born, that whole hour was spent with her on my chest and I breastfed her for the first time, it was magnificent. But needs must... Taken to theatre and I was awake, two hours later they brought me back, Penélope was with my mum, and I got her back. Gutted I couldn't get up and do the things I wanted to though, I was bed ridden for nearly 24 hours.

Althought after peeing 7/8 times a night for the whole 9 months of pregnancy, it was lovely to not have to get up due to having a catheter in, lol.

The Miracle of Childbirth...

...is absolutely incredible. It is nothing to be feared, it is a normal part of everyday life, I enjoyed every minute of it and I would go back and do it all tomorrow again. It is amazing, hypnobirthing truly helped me. Do not listen to people who will try and tell you that you can't, just prove them wrong, like I did.
The feeling childbirth gives you is something out of this world, it totally transforms you, it changes your perspective of the world. It puts you into an almost uphoric trance state. I would do it over and over again.

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That's the story of my birth, I will touch more on hypnobirthing and the rest of what happened AFTER my baby was born later in time, right now I have to get back to my hungry 19 week old baby, Thanks for reading,

MegHan:MTM